029 - How to Respond When You're Betrayed in Ministry (Part 2) - Leaders.Church


029 – How to Respond When You’re Betrayed in Ministry (Part 2)

What’s in this Episode?

Have you ever felt betrayed by someone in ministry? You were partnering together to accomplish the ministry God had given you and then all of a sudden, you’re betrayed. Maybe they said something negatively to you, or maybe they spoke behind your back, or maybe they did something else and all of a sudden you feel betrayed. Well, this often happens more than we would like it to, but in today’s episode, we’re going to help you know what to do when that sense of betrayal happens and give you some steps that are going to help you be able to move forward.

Read the Transcript

Jonathan Hardy 0:32
Hey, want to welcome you to this episode here at Church Tips. This is our second episode in the two part series we’re doing on ministry betrayal. And really what we’ve been talking about in Episode Number 28 and today is what happens when you feel betrayed in ministry. So if you haven’t watched or listened to Episode 28, I’d recommend stop here. Pause this, go do that one first, because this is really part two of that discussion as a continuation of that episode. And so what I want to talk to you today about is some additional things that happen and the things that go on internally, when we have betrayal take place. So, are you ready?

Dick Hardy 1:12
Jump right in. Let’s do it.

Tip #5: Grief And Loss Takes Place

Jonathan Hardy 1:14
Alright. So the first thing that happens, well, actually, I guess this is the fifth thing that we talked about four in the previous episode. So really, the fifth thing that happens is there’s grief and loss that takes place. So just kind of like, if you have had someone who’s passed away, I remember when we had a family member who passed away and how hard that was and their grief, and you have that sense of loss. So they’re physically gone well, in the same way, you know, you have those feelings of grief and loss, but the difference is that person is still around. And so that’s a different component that we have to deal with. And so obviously, we recommend and you know, I certainly you would do this, but seeking that professional help, maybe reaching out to people who can give counsel and help you, but the reality is grief and loss is one of those feelings and things that takes place in our lives, when we have that sense of betrayal

Tip #6: There Could Be A Sense Of Failure

Dick Hardy 2:07
It really is, the next thing is in betrayal, there could be a sense of failure. And this could be very real. Now, you might have failed, or you might not of, but what you want to be cautious of is never allow this betrayal to define you in terms of failure. So, this gets to be a little convoluted to think through but just ride with me on this. I’ve never met anyone in ministry who wants to disappoint. I mean, I’ve been on the end of things where I have dismissed people in ministry over the years. And if I think about it, nobody that I dismissed intensely went about to fail so sufficiently that I had to dismiss them, but I did. So I had to. So on when if you’re on the receiving end of betrayal, and maybe you have failed. Just don’t let that define you. Because you can have a sense of failure whether you did or did not, but when a ministry partner says you’re not cutting it, that can be unbelievably painful. And you have to know in whom is your source, who is your supplier, and it’s not that ministry partner, it is the Lord.

Tip #7: You Might Feel Shame

Dick Hardy 3:37

The next thing that can happen is you have a sense of shame. If you’ve ever been dismissed from a ministry by a partner that you were committed to, a ministry partner that you were saying, “hey, I’m going to go,” and then there’s a separation and betrayal. You feel shame. It’s a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by this consciousness of this wrong or foolish behavior. You know, who wants that in ministry? Who wants to feel shame? When a trusted ministry partner points out our failures and berates us, we feel shame. We feel like, “oh my goodness, I’m dirty, I’m wrong.” And again, you might have done something wrong, but do not allow shame to define you. God is not the author of that. Again, to the point I made earlier, your source is in the Lord and not in someone else in ministry. So you can’t let shame define you.

Tip #8: Sometimes It Is Hard To Forgive

Jonathan Hardy 4:45
Yeah, that’s good. Then the next thing that we want to mention is that sometimes this happens where there’s a struggle to forgive. And this is a very real thing, you know, I mean, these are the inside you, you want vengeance. You want paybacks. You know, I’m always telling my kids when they you know, they’re constantly, you know, at each other, picking and hitting and whatever. And, you know, we keep telling them we don’t do paybacks, you know, and trying to teach them how to forgive and ask for forgiveness and all of that. Well, the natural tendency, you know, can be, hey, we want a revenge. We want to get paybacks, but it can be hard to forgive. And yet, that’s what we’re supposed to do. And so, I mean, we may actually physically do that if there’s a way to reconcile person to person, but they have to be willing to be a part. I mean, it takes two to tango, you know, you can’t, you can’t do it. So if you can’t, you know, get together with that person, or if they’ve abandoned you, and they don’t want to talk, they’re not answering calls or text or whatever. Well, then mentally, you need to be able to at least forgive and be able to move on even though it’s a struggle. Because it’s just a very real thing. So, you know, at that point, then at least you can free your mind because you know, hey, in God’s eyes, you’ve done what you can. And you have to rest assured that the Lord is the one ultimately, who’s the judge. He’s the one who takes care of the situations. It’s not us. We just have to do our part.

Dick Hardy 6:15

Tip #9: Sometimes You Begin To Question God

Jonathan Hardy 6:16
Then another thing, and this is really the final thing we want to mention here for today’s episode, is that sometimes it causes us to question God. You know, if you have felt betrayed, you start asking questions like, you know, did I miss the mark? Is this really what this is all about?

Dick Hardy 6:32
Was I really called to ministry?

Jonathan Hardy 6:34
Yes! I’m reminded of King David, who, there were times you read through Psalms, he’s questioning God. So that’s okay, but we have to get to the point then where we move from beyond the questioning. It’s natural to ask the why, but then it’s like, okay, well, now we need to move beyond that to, “okay, God, you know, teach me through this, show me, help me to have a pure heart, let me look to you and to not allow that thing, whatever it was to stop you from being faithful and fulfilling the call and the purpose that God has for you.


Dick Hardy 7:07
Exactly, exactly. Well let me do a recap here of the previous episode and this episode, we’re going to put all nine of them here together. When you feel betrayed in ministry, here are the things that you can identify as you’re walking through this process. First, your identity is lost. Second, friends can be lost. Third, rejection. Fourth, untruths are told and believed. Fifth, there’s a sense of grief and loss. There’s a sense of failure. Seven, there’s shame. Eighth, there’s the struggle to forgive, and ninth, questioning God. All of those things are very real things that you feel internally. And we certainly want to encourage you as you’re walking through each of those, that your focus is not on the betrayer, but is on the one who brings life and restoration out of that, and that of course is our Lord.

Jonathan Hardy 8:02
Yeah, yeah. Well, that’s good. Well, hopefully this has been helpful and encouraging episode for you, even though it’s a little bit of a heavier deal. It’s something that we need to be aware of, because it’s going to happen. I mean, you know, it’s just life and we’re dealing with people. And you know someone once said that, you know, ministry would be great if it weren’t for the people.

Jonathan Hardy 8:23
So, hey, before you go, make sure, today is the final day to get the discount for the Kids Ministry Track, which is part of our Church University online education for pastors. This is your chance to grow the kids ministry to improve it, to beef up the team so you can be you know, helping not only the kids pastor but any of those that are part of the kids team to grow in their ability to do and make your kids ministry the best possible.

Dick Hardy 8:51
Just head over to churchuniversity.com, you’ll get all the details and you can take advantage of the deep deep discount we’re offering right off the bat.

Jonathan Hardy 8:58
That’s right. And then finally, please subscribe, whether it’s on YouTube or podcast, we’d love to have you subscribe, just hit that subscribe button. And then also, we’d love to have you rate and review for the podcast so that way we can continue to get the word out to other people and we can get your feedback as well. Well, thank you so much for being with us today. We will look forward to seeing you next time. Take care.

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