What’s in this Episode?

Have you ever felt criticism while serving in ministry? Welcome to the club! In today’s Church Tips Podcast Pastor Nichole Schreiber and Jonathan Hardy do a deep dive into how to deal with criticism in the church. You want everyone to love everything you do as a pastor, but that never happens. As a lead pastor for the last 7 years, Pastor Nichole provides great perspective on navigating critics and moving the church forward. She challenges us to encourage everyone, even the critics!

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Read the Transcript:

Unknown Speaker 0:00
Music.

Jonathan Hardy 0:06
Hey friends, I want to welcome you to the Church Tips Podcast today. I’m Jonathan Hardy, your host, here with Nicole Schreiber, lead pastor of Erie First Assembly. We’re in for a great treat today. If you’ve ever faced criticism in ministry, you’ll definitely want to listen to this episode because we’re diving into the nitty-gritty of handling criticism in ministry. So, Nicole, why don’t you start by telling us a little about yourself?

Nichole Schreiber 0:33
Thank you so much for having me. I’m really privileged and excited to be here today to share some insights that leaders can really benefit from. As you mentioned, my name is Nicole Schreiber, and I’ve been the lead pastor at Erie First Assembly of God for about seven years. It’s been the privilege of my life to serve this church, although it’s also perhaps the most challenging assignment the Lord has given me so far. But it’s definitely exciting, and I’m a huge proponent of Leaders.Church. I love the resources they offer, so it’s encouraging to be able to give back a little of what God has taught me.

Jonathan Hardy 1:12
Awesome. We appreciate you joining us today. To kick off our time together, let’s start with a fun question: have you ever faced criticism in ministry?

Nichole Schreiber 1:22
Oh, maybe once or twice! How about you, Jonathan? Ever dealt with criticism?

Jonathan Hardy 1:25
Oh, never! [laughs] .

Nichole Schreiber 1:29
You know, it’s funny. Early on as a leader, I think many of us say we want feedback, right? We ask for it because it’s necessary for growth and learning. But when we ask for feedback, what we often hope for is, “Wow, that was amazing!” or “We loved that event!” More often, though, the feedback we get is from people sharing what they didn’t like or a perspective that differs from ours. I’ve realized as leaders, criticism is just part of the territory. In fact, if you don’t have critics, you might not really be leading! Often, the more criticism you face, the more likely it is that you’re doing something meaningful—you’re moving the needle for the kingdom of God. So, if you’re listening today and can relate to dealing with criticism, take it as encouragement that you’re on the right track.

Jonathan Hardy 2:38
That’s a great point. The more resistance you encounter, it can actually be a good sign, even though it doesn’t feel good. We’d all love it if there were more encouragers and fewer critics, but it seems like we mostly hear from people when they have something negative to say.

Nichole Schreiber 3:01
Exactly. There are two things that have ramped up criticism in recent years. First, accessibility. As leaders, we need to be accessible, which is why we’re on platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. But this also exposes us to people’s opinions and criticism—through emails, texts, and social media comments. Second, we live in a culture where people are quick to criticize everything, not just leaders or the church. On top of that, COVID-19 made things even more difficult. As leaders, we had to make tough decisions where there was no perfect option, and no matter what we chose, some group would criticize it.

Jonathan Hardy 4:09
Boy, yeah. And I might even expand on that, especially for our U.S. listeners. It wasn’t just COVID; there was also a lot of social tension in the country, and political tension was at levels we probably haven’t seen in our lifetime. I would say that COVID, along with all those other factors, just amplified everything. In fact, I talked to a pastor a couple of days ago, and we were discussing some of the issues from 2020—like the church shutdowns—and he commented on how no matter what decision he made, half the people disagreed. He’d choose one thing, and half were upset; if he chose the opposite, the other half were unhappy. I’m sure you’ve heard that before, and it’s not fun.

Jonathan Hardy 5:35
I also really like your point about communication channels. It’s funny because, just this morning, I was driving my son to camp, and I was telling him how, back when I was a kid, cell phones didn’t exist. He couldn’t believe it! But back in those days, we didn’t have to worry about all these communication channels and the easy access people now have to voice their criticism. It was much more streamlined. But now, everywhere you turn, there’s an opportunity for criticism. So, as leaders in ministry, when that happens, what do we do?

Nichole Schreiber 6:32
Yeah, so I think, first for me, expecting criticism to be part of the journey was an important piece of it. Because if I was starting to determine how well I was doing as a leader based on how much criticism I was experiencing, that was the wrong measure to use. So, the first thing, just like we talked about earlier, is we have to expect criticism to be part of the journey. However, one of the things we need to be cautious and careful about is ensuring that the criticism we’re receiving doesn’t leak into our own hearts or our leadership and, subsequently, the culture of the ministry in which we serve. Because, a lot of times, if we have this critical spirit posed against us, we can perpetuate the problem if we respond to a critical spirit with a critical spirit. Does that make sense?

Nichole Schreiber 7:29
So, it’s really important for us to protect our hearts from becoming defensive—of our own actions or attitudes—and to not meet a critical voice with another critical voice. We don’t want to launch a critical attack on someone else because, when we’re criticized a lot, it’s our gut reaction to do the same thing. But that plants the seeds of criticism in the soil of your ministry or culture, and that’s not what you want to grow in a ministry. So, I know that’s very difficult. I think for those listening today, this is not an easy thing to do. It takes a lot of character and integrity, but I would just warn everyone, in love, that you can’t let those things settle into your heart because they will grow a crop that you don’t want in your church, organization, or whatever you lead. That’s not what you want to perpetuate. You know what I mean?

Jonathan Hardy 8:25
Right, exactly. Yeah, no, I think that’s really important. And I think it’s important to evaluate and ask yourself, when you face criticism, why does it bother you? As a leader who is fulfilling what you feel called to do, obviously, there needs to be conviction behind your decisions and direction. And sometimes it can bother us. There might be something behind this surface-level issue. I mean, on the surface, it might feel like, “Oh, people don’t like what I’m doing,” and it bothers you, but ask yourself why. Because if you really believe this is what you’re supposed to do, then, in theory, these outside voices shouldn’t matter as much, since you have a strong conviction toward the decisions, direction, or whatever you’re pursuing. Anyway, that’s just something that came to mind as you were talking.

Nichole Schreiber 9:27
That’s so good. I think, as followers of Jesus and carriers of His message, we have to extend the same grace and love toward others that God has extended to us. Just to be vulnerable for a second here, I’ve had many times where I’ve been grumbling or complaining or frustrated with someone who has given me a hard time about a decision I made, or they were frustrated with me. The Lord has reminded me of all the times He poured out His grace on me and how I’ve needed a Savior. So, staying in that humble position before the Lord is important. Yes, it’s not right or good for someone else to be so critical, but we need to remember that same grace that the Lord has for us, we need to have for others. Keeping that in mind is really important for us as believers. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, as we talk to incredible leaders all across the world, but it’s important to remember that experiencing grace motivates us to extend grace. So, make sure you put yourself in a position to experience God’s grace so you can extend it to others.

Nichole Schreiber 10:46
I think another thing, and you kind of touched on this, is that we can never know another person’s motives with certainty. If you imagine your critic right now—whoever that is in your mind who has most recently emailed or texted you—we can’t fully understand their motives. When I came to this church seven years ago, there were people who didn’t trust leadership because of past decisions. I remember I wanted to buy a Keurig, a $35 Keurig from Walmart for the church office, and I had a board member who was so offended and frustrated. He just couldn’t believe we needed a $35 Keurig, thinking I was wasting church money. I was so hurt and offended, thinking, “This is crazy! It’s a $35 Keurig. What’s the problem?” But the truth was, his heart had been so hurt by leadership in the past, and he didn’t trust anything. His criticism wasn’t really about the Keurig; it was about past leadership. Only God knows every person’s heart. He knows the story, the experiences, and the perspectives of each person. We only see the tip of the iceberg—the small bit of actions or outward expressions of these motives. Sometimes we can discern things correctly, but sometimes we can’t. We make judgments easily from our own point of view, but God really sees the heart. Loving the people we serve practically means giving them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there’s something in their hearts that’s making them say these things. Trust that there’s more to the story God is writing, and let God defend us as leaders. God can handle that. You don’t have to feel like you always need to defend yourself or justify things. You can walk confidently in what God is asking you to do, knowing that if people don’t like it, God will defend you and work out what’s going on in their hearts.

Jonathan Hardy 13:10
Mm-hmm, yeah. No, that’s good. I’ll throw a bit of a curveball at you here, but how do you respond when maybe their criticism has a bit of truth to it? How do you handle that?

Nichole Schreiber 13:36
That’s a great question because the truth is, we all try our best, but we don’t always get it perfect every time. I’ve always heard—and I think my mom said this growing up—that behind every criticism is a seed of truth. In some ways, it’s really good to stay humble as a leader and to always evaluate. I have a couple of very trusted voices in my life. It’s a short list, but these are people I can go to and say, “Hey, this person is saying that I act like I don’t care about children, or they’re saying I was rude. Is that true? Do you see that in my life? Is that something I need to work on?” And then I trust those people to help me evaluate myself. I also heard this once, and I really loved it: don’t take criticism from people you wouldn’t take advice from. I think that’s important to learn. Yes, sometimes there are things we need to grow through, and we should stay humble, but there’s a balance. God sends people to humble us, but we don’t get to pick who those people are. Sometimes they aren’t the ones we’d welcome, but God sends them anyway. At the same time, don’t take everything everyone says to heart. You’ll get discouraged quickly if you do that. Does that answer your question?

Jonathan Hardy 15:08
Yep, absolutely. And as you’re saying that, I know there have been instances where you might receive anonymous criticism. And at that point, whether it’s an anonymous email or letter, I mean, those things just need to be chucked, right? No need to keep that around.

Nichole Schreiber 15:28
Yeah, of course.

Jonathan Hardy 15:30
And of course, prayer is always a great next step.

Nichole Schreiber 15:37
Yes, exactly. When there are critics in my life, I’ve really committed to praying for them instead of complaining about them. Rather than saying, “Why is everyone criticizing me?” or “These people are so hard to lead,” I think of Moses in the wilderness, where all they did was grumble for years and years. But when we’re feeling criticized or bothered by others, praying for them should be our response. If we meet negativity with more negativity, it just compounds the problem and worsens the attitude or culture. Nothing takes the joy out of ministry faster than being in a rut of complaining all the time. Admittedly, ministry isn’t always joyful, but every person God puts in our ministry is a gift from Him. So, I tell my team here at the church, “I want our attitude to be, ‘Every day, we get to do this.’” There are many people who would love to be in full-time ministry but can’t for various reasons. Or they don’t have a place to serve. But we get to do this for this season, and until God puts us in another position, we should have that heart and attitude of gratitude, no matter how difficult it can be at times.

Jonathan Hardy 17:31
No, that’s awesome. Any final thoughts or takeaways from your experience?

Nichole Schreiber 17:37
Yes. One of the strongest takeaways I’d like to share is that one of the best ways to guard against having a critical spirit is to intentionally be an encourager. Hebrews 3:13 says, “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Humanity needs encouragement, right? Our people need it. I’ve found that sometimes the people who are the most critical need the most encouragement. As leaders, God calls us to encourage one another constantly. My prayer is that as leaders, we may be victims of criticism, but let’s make it our goal to be vessels of encouragement. Let’s never be the source of criticism. One of the saddest things in ministry is watching leaders criticize each other. With all the spiritual warfare and natural warfare we deal with, I want to be a leader who encourages and never criticizes those working beside me or near me. We need to build each other up until Jesus comes again, which is really our ultimate goal.

Jonathan Hardy 19:11
Yeah, well, that’s awesome, and so true. For those of you listening who might be facing something right now, I pray this conversation is an encouragement to you. Nicole, I appreciate everything you’ve shared from your experience. All of us face criticism from time to time, but it’s good to hear some fresh perspective on how to respond in those moments. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Nichole Schreiber 19:37
Thank you so much.

Jonathan Hardy 19:38
And friends, I do want to mention that we have a video series inside the Leaders.Church membership. So, if you’re a member of Leaders.Church, check out a four-part video series on handling critics in ministry. It’s another great resource if this is something you’d like to dive a little deeper into. We’ll put a link in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for being with us on the Church Tips Podcast today. We look forward to seeing you next time. Take care!

Jonathan Hardy 20:07
Hey, Jonathan here real quick before you go. Everything in your ministry rises and falls on your leadership. So, investing in your leadership is essential to staying healthy and growing the ministry. That’s why I want to invite you to join us inside the Leaders.Church membership. This online streaming service for pastors gives you access to more than 300 videos, plus training material to level up your leadership and improve your ministry skills. If you’d like to do that, go to leaders.church/boost. Again, that’s leaders.church/boost. Thanks again for joining us on the Church Tips Podcast. We look forward to seeing you next time.

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